Can There Be Too Much Love?

Originally published on Gimme Some Torah by Rabbi Eli Garfinkel on October 14, 2026.

Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash

Bereshit/Genesis 11:1

וַיְהִ֥י כׇל־הָאָ֖רֶץ שָׂפָ֣ה אֶחָ֑ת וּדְבָרִ֖ים אֲחָדִֽים׃

Everyone on earth had the same language and the same words.

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It is a well-known maxim that too much of a good thing is not good. For instance, the right amount of water is necessary for health, but an excess of water can damage the kidneys and lead to heart problems, as well.

There is, however, a well-known Mishnah, recited daily, that says there are some things that have no maximum amount:

These are the things that have no definite quantity: The corners [of the field]. First-fruits; [The offerings brought] on appearing [at the Temple on the three pilgrimage festivals]. The performance of righteous deeds; And the study of the Torah. The following are the things for which a man enjoys the fruits in this world while the principal remains for him in the world to come: Honoring one’s father and mother; The performance of righteous deeds; And the making of peace between a person and his friend; And the study of the torah is equal to them all.

I couldn’t help but notice that there is something conspicuously absent from the list: love. One would think that love would be on the list. After all, assuming we’re talking about mutual love, how could there be too much love? I learned an answer to this question from Avot deRabbi Natan:

LOVING MANKIND. What does this mean? It teaches that a man should love his fellow-creatures and not hate them; for so we find it among the men of the generation of the Dispersion. Since they loved one another, the Holy One, blessed be He, did not wish to destroy them, but dispersed them to the four corners of the earth. (Their love for one another is inferred from the statement that they had “the same language and the same words”—ed.)

Simply put, this interpretation is saying that love is wonderful, but if love prevents or stunts normal growth and development, then the lovers need to have some distance between them. In the case of the Tower of Babel, the people loved each other so much that they had no interest in settling the rest of the world as God commanded. They essentially wanted to stay home with their tower building hobby rather than going out and getting a job.

This teaching can be applied to couples and families, as well. In a healthy relationship, spouses maintain individual identities and don’t suffocate each other with their constant presence—absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Ideally, adult children should move out of their parents’ house and go make their way in the world. Economic realities, of course can delay this move for a long time. Having said that, we do no favors for our children when we shower them with so much love that they don’t want to move out.

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