Spiritual Sparks: Are You a Good Listener?

Originally published in Spiritual Sparks on April 23, 2026.

Most aren't as good listeners as we think

Two friends were walking down a busy street one evening when one suddenly stopped. "Listen to those crickets," he said. "What crickets?" his friend replied. "I don't hear them."

Without a word, the first man reached into his pocket, took out a handful of coins, and tossed them onto the sidewalk. Instantly, people turned. A car slowed. A door opened. He smiled. "It all depends on what you're listening for."

We hear what we expect to hear. When it comes to other people… are we really listening?

✨ 3 Ideas

1. What listening really is

Listening is more than hearing words. It is the act of entering another person's world without rushing to respond, correct, or redirect.

It means listening not only with our ears, but with our attention, even with our heart. To notice not just what is said, but what is meant; to hear what lies beneath the words.

At our deepest level, we are drawn to connect. Listening is the way we tell another person, "You matter." When we truly listen, we give someone something rare: the experience of being understood.

2. Why we struggle to listen

Most of us would like to think we're good listeners. But if we're honest, we often listen just long enough to say what we want to say.

When someone else is speaking, we're checking our phone or simply waiting for our turn. As Stephen Covey famously observed, "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply."

At our core, the soul longs to connect, but we're often pulled inward. When people feel truly heard, they feel understood. That's where real connection begins.

3. Listening as something deeper

When we truly listen, we set aside the need to respond or be heard, and make space for another person. Not just their words, but the world within them.

It's not enough to simply hear words. True listening requires setting aside our own inner noise so we can fully receive another person.

Listening, done well, becomes an act of empathy. We begin to see the world through another person's eyes. It deepens when we become more interested in understanding than in being understood.

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📜 2 Quotes

"The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." — Proverbs 20:5

"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk." — Doug Larson

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❓ 1 Question

What's one small thing you could do today to become a better listener?

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A friend of a journalist once traveled to Japan for the first time. Unfamiliar with the language, he was given a simple tip: carry something with the name of your hotel written in Japanese. So he picked up a box of matches from the hotel and went out sightseeing.

Later, he got into a taxi, showed the driver the matchbox, and after a few confused moments, the driver nodded and drove off. Thirty minutes later, the taxi came to a stop. The driver turned, smiled proudly, and pointed outside.

They had arrived…at a match factory.

To truly listen — to understand, not just to respond — is a rare gift. And it may be one of the most meaningful gifts we can give another human being.

Until next time,

Wishing you a week of meaningful conversations and deeper listening,

Rabbi Ze'ev Smason

A number of readers wrote to me after my recent note about the upcoming Spiritual Sparks book — thank you. If you're even curious about being part of bringing it into the world, I'd be glad to send a brief overview. Just reply and I'll forward it along.

P.S. Think of someone who truly listens to you. What do they do that makes you feel heard? I'd love to hear.

P.P.S. If you're new here, you're always welcome to subscribe: https://spiritualsparks.beehiiv.com/subscribe

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Rabbi Ze'ev Smason is Rabbi Emeritus of Nusach Hari B'nai Zion Congregation in St. Louis and the author of the upcoming book Spiritual Sparks: A Reader. His weekly newsletter Spiritual Sparks brings timeless Jewish wisdom into everyday moments.